Sarah Palin didn’t fuck up. And by didn’t fuck up, I mean… didn’t answer a single question directly, didn’t make any major gaffes to speak of, and didn’t quite make me want to throw up every time she winked at me — but dammit, she came close. Obviously, some people liked it, but I was just a weeeeee bit nauseous and yelling at the screen (as Lumiere can also declare) “STOP WINKING AT MEEEE!!” It’s different from the Bush-wink; it’s naughty and a little charming, but only enough to distract you from the fact that this Barbie Doll looked up the Constitution on Wikipedia and called it a night.
Gotta commend whoever wrote her talking points, though. She stuck to ’em. Did you see how hard she was squinting at them the entire time? And how, instead of, oh, I don’t know, giving a straight answer, she’d just go back to whatever point her finger was on? She even SAID OUT LOUD that she wasn’t going to answer. Well, if she doesn’t have balls, who the hell in this election does?
She should have just held those babies up like banners. She wouldn’t even have to say anything, just curtsy and smile and wink. Oh, wait, Tina Fey did that already.
Biden turned it on, though. His only real responsibility was to, also, not fuck up, but that means something TOTALLY different for this old-time senator. He had to, as many people pointed out, not shove his giant foot into his throat and get really pissed off. He had some close moments, though, where he’d get too excited and I cringed, thinking he was gonna let loose on this “maverick” and tell her exactly what Washington is all about. (And, by the way, if you want to work in Washington, shouldn’t you know how Washington WORKS? And I’m not just saying that as a DC-insider, either. Bring all the change you want, but honey, if you don’t know this town you can’t run this town.)
All I wanted Joe to do was be my grandpa: Talk slowly and deliberately, so people believe what you say. Speak with authority, and talk about what you know — which is, actually, a lot! Crack a smile or two, too, since, y’know, you’re grandpa and everything.
I never would have told him to bring the kids into it, but I’ll be damned if that story didn’t endear him to every single family in America that almost was taken in by the hockey mom thing. Dads raise kids too, and it’s not always easy. What a way to remind us.